At the end of the fall semester at Wheaton College, one of my students asked to meet with me. We met over lunch. At that time, she shared with me that one of her friends had been raped while on a missions trip in Africa four years ago. Her friend was having dreams and nightmares that made her afraid to go to sleep. My student wanted to ask me what would help.
At that moment, I was especially aware of how dreams, nightmares, and hallucinations are symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder, a common condition among survivors of sexual assault.
My student’s question made me remember the years that I was afraid to go to sleep, and all of the strategies I developed for trying to get a peaceful night’s rest while going through counseling and trying to come to terms with my past experiences. I share these now in the hopes that others who need sleep might be able to benefit:
* When I went to sleep, I would remind myself of where I was: in my own room, in my own bed, safe. If I happened to be traveling or visiting a friend or family member, I would clearly tell myself where I was before I slept. That way I would not wake up confused and afraid, not knowing where I was.
* I had a verse from Scripture that I recited to myself when I went to sleep. Different people have different verses or words that they say to themselves. This was mine: “The Angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him.”
* If I were having a dream or nightmare that made me afraid or terrified, one in which I was trapped in a story causing me pain, I would remind myself that the dream was my dream or my nightmare, and I could make choices in the dream or nightmare, and then I would make the choices that set me free.
* More often, I would just shout at the top of my lungs in the dream (and often actually out loud in my room): “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” This would always wake me up, and the dream would be over.
* If I were still shaking and afraid after I woke up, I would turn the light on and leave the light on as I went back to sleep. Sleeping in the light helped to drive away the darkness.
* Sometimes I would get up in the middle of the night and write down whatever I dreamed. If I didn’t write down my dream in the night, I would write it down in the morning. I would pray that God would show me what the dream meant. Usually, as I consciously thought about the images, stories, and feelings from the dreams, I was able to understand why they were coming up. This understanding helped me to have peace and to integrate my past memories into my present lived experience, which was necessary for me to be whole.
* Sometimes I was too exhausted to write down my dream immediately after I had it, but I still needed some way to process what I had just experienced. I had a short list of people I could call at any hour to ask for help. One of these people was a trained counselor. Others were prayer partners in my family. These people helped me deal with my fears.
(Interestingly, the same method, of having others listen to the dream and pray for the dreamer in the middle of the night right after she wakes up, is used by International Needs in Ghana to help women who were formerly trapped in the trokosi system deal with PTSD dreams, nightmares, and hallucinations.)
What I did not do is deny the importance of the dream. I did not tell myself it didn’t matter. I did not try to forget it. I knew that something so intense, a dream or nightmare or hallucination that left me terrified, was a message from my soul trying to communicate something vital – something important. So I learned to pay attention to my dreams and nightmares.
And gradually, as I listened to my soul, the frequency and intensity of these PTSD dreams decreased. Now I only have these kinds of dreams very rarely, when something has cued a memory that I haven’t been able to fully deal with before. When I have these dreams now, I know what they are about and how they work, and when I wake up, I have patience with myself and deal with the dreams in prayer.
