Abusers
ABUSERS
Made in the image of God
At JSASSN International, we believe that abusers are human beings made in the image of God who have sinned by sexually abusing, assaulting, and/or trafficking other human beings. Such abusers must be held accountable for what they have done. At JSASSN, we also believe that abusers can stop abusing, enter treatment, and change. They can repent, and they can be forgiven, and they can go to heaven. Jesus did not just die on the Cross to heal those who have been victimized from their pain and their suffering. He died on the Cross to save everyone who repents, including sexual abusers, from their sins so that they can have eternal life with God.
At JSASSN International, we recognize and value the many psychological studies that investigate sexual abusers and their abusive patterns of behavior. We know that the recidivism rate among sexual offenders is very high. We know that, even when they have received some treatment, sexual abusers may abuse again. We also know that without intervention, abusers will continue to abuse.
We firmly believe that prevention, intervention, and redemption efforts must take place not only in the lives of sexual abuse survivors but also in the lives of sexual abusers, for many reasons, not the least of which is that many abusers were children once who were themselves abused. It also makes better sense to stop the perpetrator who is causing the devastation in so many lives before it occurs in the first place, and an abuser who gains self-control over his impulses as well as victim empathy is less likely to abuse than an abuser who has been incarcerated without treatment and then released back into the community. Yet neither the penal system nor the Church are taking much action in this regard.
In general, the penal system in America seeks to administer punitive justice against offenders, not restorative justice. It is both ill-equipped and under-funded to treat sexual abusers. So abusers enter bad and leave worse—because the system rarely incarcerates for life, even in cases where the law demands it.
In general, the Church is unwilling to identify the abusers in its own midst and expose their evil deeds. When it is, it often sympathizes with victims and survivors while doing nothing, not even praying, for abusers. The Church has a greater responsibility.
Therefore, at JSASSN International, we are praying for God-fearing men and women to prepare to minister to sexual abusers: to pray for them, to share the gospel with them, and to financially support treatment efforts for them. We challenge our sisters and brothers in Christ to remember that God made all human beings in His image and that Christ died to save all of us from our sins. While this truth is extremely difficult to accept when it comes to the evil perpetrated by sexual abusers, it is still the truth, and we need to act accordingly.
Definitions of Sexual Abusers
Many people do not want to understand sexual abusers. Sexual abuse is so appalling that people do not want to think about why sexual abusers do what they do. However, in order to pray for, minister to, and effectively treat abusers, as well as to protect potential victims—men, women, and children—it is important to understand different types of abusers as well as their common personality characteristics.
Sexual abusers: A sexual abuser is anyone, regardless of that person’s age or gender, who sexually abuses another person. For definitions of sexual abuse, see Definitions.
Sexual addicts: Sexual addicts, like alcoholics, cannot get enough of what they are addicted to. Just like an alcoholic needs more and more alcohol to become drunk, sexual addicts need more and more sex to experience sexual pleasure. They often have multiple partners and are addicted to pornography.
“Clients” of prostitutes: Clients are men and women who choose to pay for sex with a prostitute. Whether the prostitute has been trafficked and forced into prostitution or not, and clients often have no way of knowing either way, the clients are still abusers. Prostitution is not God’s design for human sexual relationships, and it damages everyone involved in it physically and spiritually.
Pedophiles: These are sexual abusers who are sexually excited by children’s immature bodies and who derive sexual gratification from abusing them.
Situational child sexual abusers: Some sexual abusers will abuse or assault children not because they are particularly excited by children’s bodies but because the children are available and accessible to them. Sexual abuse and assault are about acting out anger, power, and control via sexual behavior, and children are more readily subject to these attitudes than adults.
Sexual predators: Sexual predators are sexual abusers who take sexual abuse and assault to extremes in terms of the premeditated planning of their sexually abusive actions, the psychological and physical violence they use, and the sheer numbers of children and adults whom they victimize.
Most sexual abusers and predators are men. The largest group of male sexual abusers are fathers or step-fathers of their victims, the second largest group are nonfamilial men, and the third largest group are other male relatives, but women do commit approximately 11% of sexual abuse crimes against children (Dr. Leigh Baker, Protecting Your Children, xvi). Children and youth may sexually abuse, especially when they are acting out abuse that they have been subjected to by an adult. When children and youth abuse, the abuse is not simple sexual curiosity or exploration; it involves a difference in knowledge and power between abuser and victim and often secrecy and shame. One study discovered that 1 out of 4 adults reports being sexually abused by a sibling in childhood (Baker 9).
Characteristics of Sexual Abusers
Abusers do share common characteristics. Just because an individual has one (or even all) of the characteristics does not automatically make him or her an abuser. It is the preponderance of characteristics and their degree of control over a person that count. Dr. Leigh Baker, in her book Protecting Your Children from Sexual Predators, identifies these characteristics:
Refusal to take responsibility for his or her actions and blames others or circumstances for failures
A sense of entitlement: Abusers see themselves as victims who deserve compensation or as people who especially have the right to do whatever they want (because they are wealthy, beautiful, strong, or powerful); they feel justified in their actions.
Low self-esteem: Abusers may look outwardly confident and powerful, but inwardly, they have a weak and insecure sense of self.
A need for power and control: Because abusers experience a deep sense of helplessness, they try to dominate and control others around them.
A lack of empathy: Abusers do not experience or share the feelings of those they abuse. They do not recognize the devastating emotional effects of their actions on those they hurt.
An inability to form intimate relationships with adults: Abusers have intense, chaotic, and unstable relationships with adults of the opposite sex.
A history of abuse: If an abuser has abused once, he or she is likely to abuse again. Previous behavior is the number one predictor of future abusive behavior. Many abusers were themselves abused, but it is important to remember that not everyone who was abused will become an abuser.
A troubled childhood: Children who experience physical, emotional, or sexual abuse do not get their needs met appropriately as they develop. Without intervention or protective factors, they are more likely to become abusers in adulthood when the unmitigated rage is expressed.
Deviant sexual behaviors and attitudes: “The excessive use of pornography of any kind is a sign that the user is substituting the gratification he receives from viewing sexual objects for the intimacy and satisfaction of a healthy adult relationship” (Baker 34).
Alcohol and/or drug abuse: The misuse of alcohol and drugs does not cause sexual abuse, but the majority of sexual predators have a substance abuse problem. According to the Department of Justice, 40% of predators admit to drinking or using drugs during the period when they were abusing children.
Protecting People from Sexual Abusers
Abusers, pedophiles, and sexual predators do not initially identify themselves to the men, women, and children they intend to harm. Many seem to be ordinary, even upstanding members of communities. They are pastors, counselors, doctors, teachers, and businessmen. They are neighbors, friends, and family members. When abusers are caught and their evil actions revealed, people around them are usually shocked. Most never would have guessed that the man or woman they thought they knew was an abuser.
People should be aware of the prevalence of abusers, pedophiles, and sexual predators in their communities so that they can protect themselves and their children. Some abusers are registered because they have been caught and convicted of sexual crimes (see National Sex Offender Registry). Many are not. Therefore, people need to be careful about those to whom they entrust themselves and the safety of the children in their care.
Conclusion
The majority of sexually abused children act out in some way that indicates they have been abused. Fortunately, the vast majority of survivors do not grow up to become sexual abusers. However, most sexual abusers and predators were themselves sexually abused.
Rather than come to terms with what happened to them and deal with their abusive experiences in healthy ways, abusers repeat the cycle of abuse. Some abusers have a tendency to be attracted to children at the age when they themselves were abused, and they replay their abusive experiences with the roles/power positions reversed. Their tendencies to act out can be impulsive as well as premeditated. Sexual abusers lack impulse-control and self-control. The prevalence of pornography has aggravated and increased instances of sexual abuse and assault in recent years.
Although the recidivism rate for sexual abusers is high, abusers can be helped through psychological testing, evaluation, and treatment. It is important for them to stop denying the abuse they experienced as children as well as the abuse they are committing. Most abusers need to develop victim empathy, the ability to connect with their own emotions and the emotional realities of the adults and children whom they have traumatized. Doing this requires abusers to connect emotionally with their own experiences as abused children, a nearly impossible task to accomplish without extensive help. State prison systems are ill-equipped and under-funded for this tasks. Churches have few if any ministries to sexual offenders.
Although sex offenders are often portrayed in the media as inhuman monsters, in fact they are not only very human but made by God, in His image, and Christ died to save them from their sins. Many abusers are the family members of the victims, and the victims love them. At JSASSN International, we believe that we should pray for the redemption of sexual offenders even as we seek to pursue justice and protect adults and children from further harm.
