Ministry
Though little recognized in sermons, Jesus lived in a time when sexual abuse, assault, and trafficking were rife throughout the Roman Empire. Both Jesus and Paul ministered to those who had been sexually violated and humiliated. Today, the Church is called to continue this ministry to Christian and non-Christian survivors alike so that they may know the truth, hope, faith, and love of Christ that can restore their souls.
In America, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before reaching age 18. Some of these abuses happen in churches. Therefore, it is essential that all church staff–pastors, teachers, counselors, and lay leaders–become educated about the definitions and effects of sexual abuse and about how to help survivors report and recover from their devastating experiences.
Prevention, Intervention, and Redemption Strategies
Churches can develop a three-fold ministry approach that involves prevention, intervention, and redemption efforts.
Prevention strategies: Educate all church staff about the definitions and effects of sexual abuse. Teach them about how to keep effective records of signs of abuse for legal purposes. Educate all church staff about how to help survivors report and recover. (JSASSN can provide curriculum for this purpose.) Do background checks on every member of the church staff to ensure that no one has a record of abusing children. ALL NURSURY AND CHILDREN’S CHURCH VOLUNTEERS should be interviewed and background checked before being allowed to serve. Be aware that children who have experienced abuse may act out their abusive experiences with other children, and be prepared to love, help, and care for both types of children.
Intervention strategies: Train church members who work with children and adults how to identify signs of sexual and other forms of abuse. When a child or adult discloses information about abuse, church staff should make a record of it. Follow up by reporting the abuse to the police, Child Protective Services, and/or other outside agencies and provide counseling resources and other referrals to the victims.
Redemption strategies: Form small groups within church specifically designed to support the needs of survivors in recovery. Provide educational resources (websites, books, films, and so on) as well as trained counselors to help facilitate such groups. Provide referrals to outside Christian and non-Christian organizations that can help survivors with physical, psychological, and legal needs. Faithfully pray for survivors and never give up on them. God is working out His redemption in their souls.
Talking with Survivors
The majority of children who are sexually abused or assaulted do not disclose in childhood. They may, however, find the courage to speak out in adulthood. Adult victims of abuse and assault may also find a voice, either at the time of their victimization or later on. In either case, Christian survivors are likely to turn to the members of their church family for help. The Church needs to be prepared to help them.
The following general guidelines are meant to help Christian pastors, teachers, counselors, and lay leaders in conversations with adult sexual assault survivors who are disclosing their current or past experiences and seeking help.
Listen.
Listen carefully to what the survivor is saying. Don’t interrupt. This may be the first time the survivor has found the courage to speak. If you don’t listen, the survivor may not find the courage to speak again for years. But if you do listen, the survivor will begin to find healing. You don’t have to rush in to “save” the survivor with encouragement or advice. Trust that the Holy Spirit can work simply through your act of listening attentively to the survivor. (Using the techniques encouraged in “spiritual direction” will be helpful in these situations.)
Believe.
Let your first inclination be to believe the survivor rather than disbelieve or deny what the survivor is saying. Often perpetrators have told survivors that no one will believe them; often they have threatened to harm survivors if they speak up. If you believe survivors, you are breaking the power of abusers in the survivors’ lives.
Ask clarifying questions.
It is important to understand the survivors’ experiences and needs. Ask clarifying questions in a gentle, respectful way. Some questions will easily upset survivors, so be considerate when asking.
Offer medical, psychological, educational, and legal resources.
Survivors have real, unmet needs as a result of the sexual abuse, assault, and/or trafficking they have experienced. Offer medical referrals so they can have their physical needs met. Offer counseling referrals. Have websites, books, films, and handouts available with educational information for survivors. Know the reporting processes involved with police, Child Protective Services, and other agencies. If the survivor needs a lawyer, have a list of experienced lawyers on hand to help.
Be real and emotionally present.
Many times, those in ministry want to help and even “save” people in need. But only Jesus can truly help, save, or heal anyone, though he can work through us. So we don’t need to pretend with know or understand things we don’t; we can say we don’t have answers when that is the truth. Be real with survivors.
More important than knowledge is simply being present, fully emotionally present, with survivors as they share their stories. Sit with them in their suffering. Try not to be distracted. Try to focus on the survivors’ needs.
Know your limits and get help for yourself.
Talking and walking with survivors can be emotionally exhausting work. Know your emotional and physical limits, and don’t push yourself beyond them. Have your own support system and get help as you are trying to give help to the survivor. You are little help to the survivor when you become completely overwhelmed. If you are a survivor yourself, this is especially important to remember and act on.
Learn about sexual abuse, assault, and trafficking and their effects.
In Hosea, it says, “My people perish for lack of knowledge.” If church pastors, teachers, counselors, and lay leaders will learn about sexual assault, they will help victims not only to survive but to thrive and live a life of strength and freedom.
Pray for the survivor.
Remember to listen carefully first. Don’t rush to pray with the survivor. Be careful how you pray. If you pray silently or after the conversation is over, God still hears you. If you pray aloud with the survivor, ask the survivor to pray or ask what the survivor would like prayer for. Keep praying for survivors. God is listening.
See the survivor as an overcomer.
Survivors are very strong people. They may appear physically, emotionally, or spiritually weak, but God’s power is made perfect in weakness. God’s promises of joy and healing are for them as much as for any other person. When you look at survivors, don’t look at them solely in terms of the abuse or assault they have experienced. See them as whole people. See them as overcomers. Your view of them may be life-changing for them.
Verbally affirm the survivor’s strength, courage, beauty, dignity, and worth.
Survivors need affirmation. So affirm them! Tell them they are strong, courageous, and beautiful. They have real dignity and worth, given to them by God and clearly evident to you. This will help survivors become stronger people. It will touch their hearts.
Never give up on the survivor.
The effects of sexual abuse, assault, and trafficking are both immediate and enduring. Secondary effects can be quite devastating. Recovery takes a long time. Survivors go through a lot emotionally and spiritually on the road to recovery. Stand by them. Don’t give up on them. They need the body of Christ supporting them to help them recover.
Trust God.
God is sovereign, and His love, power, knowledge, and ability to heal are unlimited. What we cannot do to help survivors, God can do. Trust Him to heal the survivors in your life.
As unlikely as it may seem, what was clearly intended for evil in the survivor’s life can be redeemed, and good can come in due season. The evil is like a terrible, freezing cold in winter, but the seed of the survivor’s life will still grow into something beautiful, a strong and life-giving tree, when it is cared for in the light.
A final note: Survivors may not want to be touched, at all, when talking about past experiences of abuse and assault. Respect their boundaries. Maintain your own. But realize that survivors, like all human beings, need healthy, appropriate physical interactions with others. If the survivor initiates such healthy interactions (such as hand holding during prayer or a brief hug at the beginning or end of a conversation), it is good to allow them. Use discretion.
